


Unworthy

by JustAnotherSailorScout



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marijuana, Medical Cannabis, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-03-07 07:22:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13429740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherSailorScout/pseuds/JustAnotherSailorScout
Summary: Mental Health AU: Ben and Rey live in the same apartment building (and their bedrooms share a wall). Each of them is struggling with their mental wellness in different ways, and on one frustrated night Ben realizes he might be the best person to help her.(Author is terrible at summaries. This is basically just a character study)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **LISTEN TO THE SONG WHILE READING[HERE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ls8-NwffvgE) (Highly recommended) **
> 
>  
> 
> You are so worthy of everything  
> I have to give  
> But I burn with feeble offerings  
> Nothing to sustain  
> Fan against the flame  
> Oh what I've made
> 
> So take all of me  
> Please take all of me
> 
> It's like I'm running away from me  
> It's like I've taken the puzzle in me  
> And left it scrambled for all to see
> 
> It's like I'm fighting behind these walls  
> And hiding through metaphors  
> This is real, these are flaws  
> So take all of me  
> Please, take all of me”
> 
> Unworthy by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

It was the 3rd time this week he woke up to her screaming. It had only happened before once every few months, but recently they had become quite frequent. He rolled over and looked at the clock. It was two-fucking-thirty in the morning. Groaning, he threw he pillow over his head. Maybe he should be more compassionate, but he had an interview in the morning, and he was not going to lose this position simply because his neighbor suffered from _nightmares_. He had plenty of his own and he was fine. Yes, he was perfectly fine.

_A black helmet. A fiery red saber. A forest. A frightened girl._

He woke up cranky to say the least. _But at least he had the fucking decency not to wake up his neighbors_. Brushing the dream out of his mind, he got ready for his interview. He donned his suit and made sure his portfolio was in his briefcase. He could do this. Ben knew that he had to leave First Order Architecture. His career had been going well but his boss was unbearable. It got to the point where he was starting to have panic attacks at his desk. So, he turned in his two weeks without a backup plan, and that was that. But he also wouldn’t go back to his uncle. No. Not Skywalker. He would make his own way, legacy or not. He set out for the day.

Ben’s interview with Kenobi Architecture and Engineering had gone surprisingly well, but that still didn’t erase the years of torment he received under Snoke. Of constantly being told he would never be good enough. Once he arrived back to his apartment, he could feel the familiar tightening of this chest, and his racing heart. He dropped his coat and briefcase at the door and immediately went to his bedroom to grab his bowl.

_Light._

_Inhale._

_Hold._

_Exhale._

_Much better._

Now that he could see straight, he changed out of his suit, and set down at his computer to write a thank you letter, and seek out other employment opportunities. It had only been a few weeks since he quit, but it was still eating at him that he hadn’t found anything yet. After a few hours, he closed his computer and went to bed, hoping that he could get a decent night’s sleep tonight.

**3:41 am**

She was screaming again. Fuck it. He could not take this anymore. He threw on a t-shirt and his sweat pants and marched over to her door. In a fit of anger, he started pounding on it.

“Hey! Hey! Some of us are trying to fucking sleep!”

The door opened, and the sight before him made him feel about 2 inches tall. Her hazel eyes were completely bloodshot and filled with tears. She looked like she hadn’t slept in weeks. God, she looked too young to be dealing with this kind of pain. The girl started hyperventilating.

“I’m…so…sorry…I didn’t…mean to…wake you…up” and then she burst into tears.

Oh, he REALLY felt like an asshole now. He knew these signs. She was in the middle of a full fledge panic attack.

“Oh hey hey hey, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Just breathe okay? Breathe”

She started to talk but Ben could only make out phrases such as “he’s going to come get me” and “I can’t go back” in her hysteria. He’s not sure why he felt the compulsion, but it was instinctive to pull the crying girl into his arms. “Breathe. Breathe. There you go. It’s okay. It’s okay. He’s not going to come get you.” He could feel her tears soak through his shirt. After several minutes, her shaking frame started to still against his chest. He hesitated to cross the threshold into her apartment, but she was in no real state to be left alone. The lights were off, but he could still see a bit. He guided her to her couch and sat her down. There was a blanket that he grabbed off the floor and wrapped her in.

“Okay. Just sit here. I’ll be right back.” He paused. “Is that alright? That I come back and sit with you?”

She simply nodded.

“I’ll be right back”

He went back to get his pipe, although he wasn’t sure if she smoked. Hell, he’d offer it anyway. Maybe it would help her too. After quickly cleaning it out from using it this afternoon, Ben packed another bowl. He was feeling generous so he grabbed two mugs and his valerian root tea. The tea only worked for him sometimes, and it smelled like shit, but it definitely couldn’t hurt. When he walked back into her apartment she was simply staring at the floor. Ben walked straight to the kitchen to start the tea. He made his way back to the couch and handed her the warm mug. She looked up, surprised to see him there. “You came back,” she uttered, almost in awe. 

“Yea I said I would,” a little confused by her statement, he added “I may be an ass, but I keep my promises.” He held up the pipe. “I wasn’t sure if you smoke. But I also have panic attacks. Cannabis seems to be the only thing that helps.” Ben shrugged.

Rey nodded. “I’ve, um, I’ve never tried it. But if it helps you I’m willing to try anything. This is the fourth time this week.”

“I know,” he teased. She playfully threw an elbow at him. He pretended to be offended.

Ben showed her how to use it, and after about 2 hits, she was much calmer. Her breathing had steadied out, and she was no longer shaking uncontrollably. The tea even seemed to be helping, she looked like she was getting sleepy. Ben took the pipe from her. “I’m, I’m so sorry I was such a dick to you. To come over to bang on your door like that? I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t say that,” she whispered.

“Why not?”

“It’s Ben, right?” He nodded “Ben, you’ve shown me more kindness tonight than anyone has in quite a while. So, I don’t care about earlier. I just want to say thank you.” Her voice was drowsy and far away. She looked like she was about to fall asleep right then.

Ben was taken aback by her words, “Rey…we…we should get you to bed.”

She already seemed to be asleep. He picked her up bridal style and carried her to her bedroom. Ben placed her on the bed the bed and tucked her in with a gentleness that surprised him. Her brow furrowed and she was scowling slightly in her sleep. He wondered what had happened to this poor girl to affect her so. She was pretty. No, she was beautiful. And so, so broken. Well then, so was he.

“What happened to you?” he whispered allowed.

He turned to leave when he thought he heard her say something.

“Stay,” she whispered oh so quietly.

“Hmm?”

“Stay…please.” She gently grabbed his wrist. “Safe.”

Ben felt his stomach drop. The compulsion to protect this near stranger was overwhelming. The sheer compassion he felt for her was a new emotion entirely. He decided not to fight it. Rey was already moving to the other side of the bed. Very, very carefully he climbed in next to her, careful not to touch. Ben drifted off to sleep at last.

_A campfire. A small hut. Gentleness. A trembling hand. Connection. One shared destiny._

He woke up to the sunlight streaming through the window of his, no…not his room. There was a warm weight again his side. Ben looked down. Somehow, in her sleep, Rey had nestled up against him, under his arm, with her head on his chest. His breath caught as he remembered the events of last night. The screaming. The panic. Then all of a sudden, the calm. The selfish part of him wanted to wake her. Talk to her about what happened. Maybe find out why she was having such terrible panic attacks. However, given the events of last night, the best thing he could do was let her sleep. He carefully extracted himself from her embrace, feeling a sense of loss as he pulled away. He placed her head on a pillow and made sure she had enough blankets. Gathering his things, Ben left her apartment, closing the door behind him.

\-----------

He spent the rest of the day relaxing on his couch, giving himself one day off from the constant job search. He grabbed his Xbox controller to see if there was anything new to watch on any of his streaming services. When he couldn’t find anything he turned on Archer for the millionth time, the familiarity calming him.

Several hours later, he heard a knock at his door. Puzzled, he got up to answer it. He certainly wasn’t expecting anyone. The knocking grew more insistent. “I’m coming,” he grumbled. He opened the door to Rey standing outside in the cold, wrapped in the blanket from last night.

Her face determined, she took a deep breath and said “Hi.”

“Come on in, it’s freezing.” Ben ushered her inside, pointed to the couch, and walked over to the kitchen. “Umm….can I get you anything? I’ve got water, tea, beer, soda, coffee…”

“Water would be lovely,” she said nervously.

He came back and sat on the couch with two glasses of water. “About last night…” he started.

“I’m going to stop you right there,” she interrupted. “There’s no need to apologize again. Or at all really. But I do feel as if I owe you some sort of explanation.”

“You’d don’t owe me anything.”

“Okay, so maybe I don’t owe it to you. However, I’ve never told anyone…and I just need to get it off my chest.” Rey grabbed his hand and his heart leapt. “I grew up in London where my parents abandoned me at an early age. When I turned 6, they placed me in the foster care system, where I lived with an abusive man named Unkar Plutt. He used to make me work in his scrap yard after school, and then would withhold food. One night when I was 14, he hit me over the head so hard it knocked me unconscious. I started saving whatever money I could find, and I hid it from him. The day I turned 18 I bought a plane ticket to America and had enough money for a few months’ rent. I was able to get a job and I’ve lived here for 3 years now. I actually started university this past fall. And I don’t know. Things have been just going so well. I have these nightmares that Unkar is going to come find me and force me to go back and work in that God forsaken scrap yard again. It’s been getting worse as school gets busier.” Rey looked down and their joined hands. Ben was stunned silent. “Gah, I’m being ridiculous aren’t I? I just, every night I have flashbacks…” she trailed off. A few tears started spilling from her eyes, but she remained still.

That same urge to protect her that he felt last night surfaced again. In a much bolder move than he expected of himself, Ben used his thumb to wipe the tears from her cheek. He heard her breath catch. “You’re not being ridiculous.”

“I’m not?” she sniffed. Remembering himself, Ben dropped his hand from her face.

“No. I’ve had much less tragic experiences bring about similar panic attacks. My old boss… It’s why I quit my job. I couldn’t handle the stress anymore. It was killing me.” He looked up at her, and all he could see what sympathy in her eyes. Even after all she had been through, she still felt sorry for him. It was almost unbearable.

“I’ll have that beer now, if you don’t mind,” she chuckled.

“Of course,” he smiled.

One beer led to a few. And a few beers led to Rey having the brilliant idea of watching a movie together. After flipping through his collection, she decided on a Harry Potter movie. To his surprise, she snuggled up to him on the couch, much like she did last night. He hoped she couldn’t hear how quickly his heart was beating. He grabbed a blanket and threw it over the two of them. About halfway through the movie Rey moved her head to look up at him. “Ben?”

“Hmm?”

“If…if it’s alright with you…can I stay with you tonight?”

“What?” He asked too sharply, and could now feel her retreating. She stood up immediately.

“Oh god I shouldn’t have asked…I can leave.” She turned to go and he grabbed her wrist.

“Don’t leave. Stay. Please.” He nearly panicked at the thought of her leaving. _Where did that come from?_ Unconsciously, he started rubbing his thumb back and forth on the inside of her wrist. The alcohol was beginning to make him honest. “I have trouble sleeping too. Stay with me. Just to sleep.” Just so he wouldn’t lose his nerve, he led her to the bedroom. It was strange, in a way, bringing a girl back to his bed without any intention of having sex with her. _Not that he would mind doing that._ No. No. He wouldn’t think that way. She was young and vulnerable. He tucked her into him and buried his face in her hair. She smelled of jasmine and winter air. Her soft snores and steady heartrate lulled him to sleep for the second night in a row. “Don’t be afraid,” he whispered, “I feel it too.”

And for once, he slept blissfully dreamless.

After that night, they fell into a rhythm. Every night around 11:30, Rey would finish up her homework and come over to his apartment. Sometimes they would smoke a bowl together. Other times, they would silently go back to his bedroom and sleep. Oh, he wanted to do more than sleep, but he wouldn’t break her trust. She had opened up to him, and even if his role in her life was only her protector, he would take it.

A few weeks after that first night, he received a call from Kenobi Architecture and Engineering. They wanted him back for a second interview the following week, but they wanted to see a new design from him. Ben set to work. After a few hours of sketching, he realized he hated his design. _Not good enough. Never good enough._ Suddenly, the memories of Snoke’s degradation came back. Rage bubbled up and spilled over the surface. He ripped up the drawing, and then kicked the waste basket. He threw his phone against the wall. Never good enough. He flipped his desk over. _Shadow of his uncle._ His heart started constricting and the room suddenly felt too small. He dropped to his knees and started hyperventilating.

In his panic, he didn’t register the knock at his door. Nor did he notice the door open. Or the person repeatedly shouting his name. “Ben!”

He did notice the arms wrapped around him. The hands stroking his hair. He looked up. Hazel eyes held his gaze. Rey. She knelt with him and rested her forehead against his. “Ben. Hey. It’s okay. I’m here. You’re okay now.” Her lips were so close and her hands were still in his hair. Ben could feel his heart in his throat. He needed her. Just as much as she needed him. In one desperate moment, he lunged forward and pressed his lips against hers. He could have sworn he heard a small moan from her. The kiss was frantic and needy. His hands wrapped around her waist and snaked up her shirt. She was pulling on his hair, her tongue begging entry to his mouth. With that, he pulled away.

“Tell me you don’t want this,” he growled in her ear.

“What?” Rey sounded a bit dazed.

“Tell me you don’t want this.” He was absolutely terrified of her rejecting him, but he had to make sure. He had to know.

Rey pulled back so she could look him in the eye. “Ben, I want this. I want YOU. Kiss me.”

And so he did.

\------

One week after his second interview, Ben received a call from Kenobi Architecture telling him that he got the job. He was to start the following Monday. Rey surprised him by making a blanket fort where they could play video games, and eat pizza. He looked at her and sighed. He wasn’t sure how he got so lucky to have someone like her. Someone who understood. Someone who wouldn’t judge. Someone who still cared about him despite how fucked up he was. He loved her, he was sure of it. Even if it wasn’t quite the right time to tell her. She still had nightmares, but instead of facing it them alone, he held her close and stroked her hair until she recovered. And he still had outbursts of panic and anger, but she would hold him until he felt grounded once more. Ben would never let her go now. Not when he had a taste of what calm and happiness could feel like.

“Hey!” she giggled, “Quit staring at me and pass the pipe!”

He smirked, “You’ll have to fight me for it.”

Without warning, she tackled him, knocking down the blanket fort in a fit of laughter.

Yes. He very much loved her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly you guys, I was completely blown away with the response I got for this fic. Right now, I don't have any plans to continue the story, some things are best left as is, but I wanted to give you all Rey's perspective on the events because you guys are AMAZING :)

She felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up and saw her classmate Finn, and suddenly realized she had fallen asleep in her physics lecture, again. God, she had to start getting better sleep. At least it was a 150-person lecture, so hopefully her professor hadn’t noticed. She muttered her thanks, and started taking notes again, leaving a blank space to fill in what she missed later.

Her nightmare had been the same last night. Running from Plutt after he tried to beat her again, hiding in the alleyway behind her old foster house, hoping he wouldn’t find her. Sometimes he would though, and those were the nights that she woke up screaming. The dreams, if that’s what you call them, had been getting more and more frequent. Maybe it’s because school had started getting stressful? She didn’t know, nor did she much care, she just needed a way to fix it.

Luckily, on Thursdays she only had this one lecture that ended at 11:30, so maybe she could get a head start on her homework, and be in bed early (well, before midnight that was) and have a pleasant Friday. Maybe. It was unlikely, but at least it was a goal.

She rode her bike back to her apartment. It was COLD, but preferable to waiting on the bus route that would easily take 45 minutes for the same 15-minute bike ride. Even though her jacket was a little worse for wear, she could at least save herself some time. She trudged up to her apartment, passing her well- dressed but very grumpy next-door neighbor on the way.

_I wonder why he’s so cranky?_

The thought leaving her mind as soon as it entered it, Rey walked into her apartment and threw her backpack down at her desk and started straight on her physics and calculus homework.

After hours of banging her head against the wall on a Taylor Series problem, Rey decided to call it a night at 10:00 pm and start getting ready for bed. She was determined to have a good night’s sleep tonight, so she started the night by doing some yoga poses from a video she found on YouTube, and then took a bubble bath. She even changed her sheets and turned on her rarely used white noise machine.

And when she woke up screaming at around 3:40 she realized it was all for nothing.

The images came rushing to her head and it was just so fucking real. Plutt had found her in the alleyway and was dragging her back into the house by her hair, where she was afraid to even think about what would happen next. Her breath got shorter and shorter, and tears welled up in her eyes. Her body started to shake uncontrollably, when there was a banging at her door that made her nearly jump out of her skin.

“Hey! Hey! Some of us are trying to fucking sleep!”

She rushed to the door. It had to be her neighbor. _Oh god. That’s why he was so cranky._ She must have been keeping him awake. _Oh god. Oh god._ How the hell was she going to explain this?

Rey tried to steady herself before she opened the door, but she had to face the music sooner or later. She opened the door, and there was her neighbor, whose facial expression changed from angry to concerned almost immediately. She tried to give a coherent apology for waking him, but all that seemed to be able to come out of her mouth was “I’m…so…sorry…I didn’t…mean to…wake you…up,” and then the damn broke, and the tears started pouring down her face.

“Oh hey hey hey, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Just breathe okay? Breathe.”

He’s trying to…comfort her? Rey lost control at that point and just started babbling. She was trying to explain what had happened but all she managed to get out were phrases such as “he’s going to come get me” and “I can’t go back.” At this point she was hysterical. Just as she was about to turn around and attempt to save her herself from further embarrassment, she felt her neighbor—was Ben his name? —pull her into his arms.

“Breathe. Breathe. There you go. It’s okay. It’s okay. He’s not going to come get you.”

She was sure he had no idea who he was, but it was nice to be comforted all the same. She couldn’t stop herself from relaxing into his body. He was there, and he was trying to help her, and no one had ever done anything like this for her ever. Just simply held her while she cried and he was a perfect stranger. This naturally brought on more tears, but of course she couldn’t tell him that that was why she was still crying.

After a while, Rey stopped shaking, and she felt Ben, she was pretty sure it was Ben, guide her back into her apartment. The lights were off, but he gently guided her to the couch, and helped her sit down. All of sudden a blanket was being wrapped around her, and she was enveloped in warmth.

“Okay. Just sit here. I’ll be right back.” He paused. “Is that alright? That I come back and sit with you?”

Although she nodded, she didn’t actually expect him to come back, no one ever did. But this kindness was so much more than she had ever experienced, that she would take the fleeting time they had together.

Rey stared at the floor for five minutes or so, thinking that she needed to get back to bed, when suddenly Ben was handing her a mug of funny smelling tea.  
“You came back.”

“Yea I said I would,” he almost seemed confused by her statement. “I may be an ass, but I keep my promises.”

He held up a red pipe to her, that was decidedly NOT filled with tobacco. “I wasn’t sure if you smoke. But I also have panic attacks. Cannabis seems to be the only thing that helps.”

He also has panic attacks.

He understands.

Rey had never smoked weed before in her life, but she trusted this stranger much more than she probably should. And if he said it worked, she would try it. I mean, surely, she wouldn’t end up _worse_ off, right?

Rey nodded. “I’ve, um, I’ve never tried it. But if it helps you I’m willing to try anything. This is the fourth time this week.”

“I know,” he teased.

He showed her how to use the pipe, since it wasn’t like an ordinary tobacco pipe. She took her first hit.

Oh.

_Oh._

She inhaled once more.

So this is why everyone touts it as a miracle drug.

For the first time in weeks, Rey was _calm_. She had full control of her breathing, even if she did feel a little fuzzy in the head. The tea Ben had given her had started to make her sleepy. Maybe tonight was the night. Maybe she would finally sleep. Rey reached for her phone to turn off her alarm. Nothing was due tomorrow, and she had no tests. If she was finally able to sleep, like hell was she waking up at 7:00 am to make it to a pointless lecture on time. Without her noticing Ben had taken the pipe from her, and he was…apologizing?

“I’m so sorry I was such a dick to you. To come over to bang on your door like that? I’m so sorry.”

Why the hell was he sorry? She’s the one who woke him up. “Don’t say that,” she whispered.

“Why not?” God, he really didn’t know, did he?

“It’s Ben, right?” He nodded “Ben, you’ve shown me more kindness tonight than anyone has in quite a while. So, I don’t care about earlier. I just want to say thank you.” Rey was quickly falling asleep, and didn’t know how much longer she could carry on a conversation, much less one this serious.

She thought she heard Ben mutter, “Rey, we should get you to bed.”

At this point Rey had basically fallen asleep. She vaguely remembered Ben picking her up bridal style and carrying her to her bed. She must have been dreaming because he was still there and almost hesitating to leave. There’s no way she would be this lucky in real life.

Well, Dream Rey was bold, and asked him to stay. And Dream Ben obliged her.

6:48 am

Rey started to stir. She felt…good. Safe. Warm. As she started to wake she noticed the heartbeat beneath her ear. Oh Jesus Christ that wasn’t a dream. Ben was still here. She sat up a little and looked at his face. He looked…peaceful. _Fuck it, why mess with a good thing?_ Rey settled back down on his chest and drifted off to sleep again.

1:17 pm

The next time Rey woke she was alone in her bed. Apparently, Ben had tucked her in before he left. Her pillow smelled of him, like sandalwood and the faintest hint of weed. Stretching out her limbs like a cat, she realized she felt well rested for the first time in months. Wrapping herself in her blanket, Rey padded to her kitchen. She actually took the time to make herself some coffee. Excited about her self- imposed morning off, she even threw some salted caramel creamer in her mug.

Plopping down on her couch, she picked up the novel she had abandoned months ago due to the overwhelming amount of time she was spending on her homework. Opening up the pages, Rey lost herself to a world of fantasy.

Several hours later, Rey contemplated the events of last night. Should she go see him? Would that be too forward? Or would he feel like she was ignoring him? Would he shut the door in her face? No, he definitely wouldn’t do that. From the little she knew of him, he was too kind to that.

Feeling courageous, she picked up the blanket, marched out of her door into the cold, and knocked on Ben’s apartment door. When he didn’t answer she got a little frantic and started knocking harder. Just as she was about to turn away the door opened and Ben towered over her. She shivered, but she wasn’t sure it was from the cold.

Deep Breath. “Hi.”

He reached out and put his hand on the small of her back. “Come on in, it’s freezing.”

Rey made her way to the couch, while Ben walked over to the kitchen. He seemed uncharacteristically nervous today. “Umm…can I get you anything? I’ve got water, tea, beer, soda, coffee...”

Her heart was suddenly in her throat. She thinks she remembers asking for water. Ben came back over, and when it seemed he was about to apologize, she stopped him. She didn’t want him to be sorry. She did, however, want to explain what happened, if not for him, but for her.

As she relived her horrific past, Ben listened to every single word. To her dismay, she felt a tear roll down her cheek. Goodness, she was being ridiculous.

She peered up through her tear stained lashes at Ben. He tentatively reached out to her and wiped the tears off of her face. Her breath caught as her heart beat a tattoo on her ribs. Reassuring her that she was anything but ridiculous, Ben revealed to her the reasons behind his own panic attacks. Stress from his old boss and job. Rey just wanted to hold and protect him. Someone as gentle as him should never have felt that way.

Their eyes locked for a moment, and unable to bear the heat of his gaze, she piped up, “I’ll have that beer now, if you don’t mind."

“Of course.”

As is what typically happens, they didn’t stop at one drink. Nope. One… led to two…which led to a few more. Feeling pleasantly tipsy, Rey decided to make herself at home. She ran over to his movie collection and selected the Goblet of Fire. She popped the disc in and hurriedly snuggled up to Ben before she realized what she did. Rey was honestly a little too shocked at herself to move, and before she knew it Ben was covering them both with a blanket. Oh well. Might as well stay put.

As she watched Harry rescue his friends from the mermaids, an idea struck.

“Ben?”

“Hmm?”

Steeling herself she asked, “If…if it’s alright with you…can I stay with you tonight?”

“What?”

Embarrassed, she stood up immediately to leave. Oh God she was being too forward. It always happened this way. Rey got too attached too quickly, and just ended up pushing everyone away. Better off to stay alone.

“Shit. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry. I’ll go now,” she said in a panic.

She turned to leave when she felt Ben’s hand wrap around her wrist. 

“Don’t leave. Stay. Please.” There was an edge to his voice that wasn’t there before. Almost as if he was afraid for her to leave. “I have trouble sleeping too. Stay with me. Just to sleep.”

Rey wanted to cry. She had known this man for less than 24 hours and he acted like he cared about her more than anyone she had ever known. Ben led her back to his bedroom. They laid down and he held her close, nose in her hair. There was something about him. About this. This was much bigger than either of them. But for now, Rey just relaxed into his body, his warmth, and let herself fall asleep, safe and sound.

This became a nightly routine for them for weeks. Rey wouldn’t admit it, but she wanted more. She wanted _him_. But she enjoyed the safety they brought each other. Protecting each other from nightmares past. If this was all she was supposed to be in his life, she would accept that, because their friendship was worth too much to risk it if he didn’t feel the same way.

That all changed one day. Rey was in her apartment studying for her upcoming thermodynamics test, and _god dammit she was tired of interpolating temperatures_. Shutting the textbook, she went to her refrigerator to pour herself as glass of wine when she heard a loud crash coming from Ben’s apartment. Something was wrong. Rey quickly sat down her glass and ran next door. She started pounding on his door. Her heart started racing. Something was _wrong_. “Ben!”

Fuck it. She pulled out her key and opened the door. The sight almost made her cry. Shredded papers littered the apartment. His desk had been upturned. There was a dent in the wall where he had clearly thrown something. And in the middle of the floor, was Ben Solo, on his knees and hyperventilating. “Ben!”

She didn’t think. Rushing to the floor, she held him and started stroking his hair, hoping that would bring about the smallest bit of comfort. When he finally registered that she was there, his soft brown eyes were pure heat. Rey rested her forehead against his. “Ben. Hey. It’s okay. I’m here. You’re okay now.” She could feel his breath on her. The energy in the room was different. Almost electric. In one swift movement he captured her lips. This kiss was nothing like the lazy cuddles that they enjoyed each night. No. This kiss was frantic. Needy. Simultaneously full of both hope and fear. Hope of what could be, but fear of rejection. His hands were snaking up her shirt. She thread her fingers through his hair and pulled. Oh. He seemed to like that. Rey was lost in Ben Solo.

When, all of a sudden, he pulled away. Rey tried to suppress a whine at the loss of him.

“Tell me you don’t want this,” he growled in her ear.

“What?” She was a bit dizzy to be honest, not quite comprehending him.

“Tell me you don’t want this.”

Rey pulled back so she could look him in the eye. “Ben, I want this. I want YOU. Kiss me.”

And so they did.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a fairly new writer so feedback is much appreciated. :) Thank you for reading!
> 
> Thank you so much to my beta @LadyLionHart!!!!!!!! 
> 
> Come say hi on Tumblr! @justanothersailorscout


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